“Gemma is 1500 unique users good on a blog?”
“I’ve no idea, haven’t written on mine for ages.”
“When was the last time?”
*Logs onto http://www.storminakcup.com, flicks through header posts, scrolls to last post…*
So here I am, on my lunch doing a little blog post because I’ve just been talking to my colleague Clare about it – how this used to be a lovely little hobby. You know, just another hobby I’ve forgotten about, much like my attempts at the Bootcamp hobby, only this is less painful and requires no physical exertion.
Why did I stop writing my blog?
That’s it. Guilt.
As this is a parenting blog, you know, I’m supposed to write about parenting. But I feel guilty about my parenting for the following reasons;
1) I’m guilty that I work too much and feel like I don’t spend enough time with Blake
2) I’m guilty I’m not staying at home with him
3) I’m guilty I’m not working hard enough
4) I’m guilty because I don’t think I want any more kids
5) I’m guilty because I’m not one of those parents who has time for all these ace things I see on blogs like baking, painting and crafts
6) I’m guilty that I’ve kind of got my own life back again now he’s four
7) I’m guilty for forgetting to feel guilty about having a smidge of my old life back
8) I’m guilty I haven’t made the time to keep this blog up, more for Blake as a record of what he’s got up to so far in his life
Guilt is horrible. Sadly, the day our little cherubs enter our lives we’re stuck with this horrible feeling whatever we do. Us Mums will always feel guilty.
So, this blog. It was supposed to be fun. I’ve got loads to say and reckon if I had one of those anonymous blogs with no theme, I could churn out plenty of drivel every day. But this was meant to be about parenting and being a Mum. And I’ve not been feeling like a good Mum a lot of the time.
Don’t get me wrong I ADORE my little best friend more than anything in the world and I go out of my way to ensure that my time with him is filled with love, fun and laughter. However, our time together could be more frequent and better quality but I’ll hold my hands up, guilty as charged, and admit that I’m still struggling to find that balance.
Those days when I walk in from work, plonk him in front of the TV, sort the dogs, sort the washing, get the dinner on and before you know it, it’s 8pm and time for his bed. Those days are shit. Or the days when I have to work late, or attend an event, or god forbid, sneakily and guiltily sneak off to have a bit of time to myself at the gym or the hairdressers. Those days end up me creeping into the house, stealing a quiet moment with my adorable son, only getting to see his beautiful sleeping face by the glow of the night light, stroke his hair and gently kiss him goodnight before I fall into bed. Those moments are beautiful, but those days are shite too. I feel like I can’t do right for wrong.
So, determined to make sure he grows up with some super awesome memories and because he’s four now and ridiculously excited about Christmas, I’ve decided to get involved with Elf on a Shelf. It’s only day four but so far it’s been absolutely magical and I’m loving creating these special moments in his life that will hopefully stay with him for a long time.
In the meantime I’ve taken some inspiration and tips from this fab Organising Queen blog, have loads of exciting things planned for Blake and I for a couple of weeks I’m off over Christmas and I’m gearing up to whine, pine, blag and bitch until Shaun lets me hire a cleaner. I need a cleaner.
So… next time I’ll tell you what our naughty elf has been getting up to!
Over and out.