My Toddler is a danger to society

If you follow me on Twitter or Istagram you may have seen this photo I posted at the weekend. Here is Blake looking for “pie-ders” up his Daddy’s nose:


He is OBSESSED with spiders at the moment. He’s not frightened of them, he’s genuinely excited and it’s been cute going on spider hunts every night round the garden. He found one in a bucket outside and so every day since we’ve been ordered out to help him locate said eight legged fiends. He checks his “bebby beck” (Ready Brek) for spiders each morning. He looks in the dog’s mouth, my ears, the fridge, in shoes, the dishwasher you name it and he checks it.

Yesterday morning we were having a little cuddle together and he starts harping on shouting “pie-der, pie-der, pie-der!” so I let him check my ears, up my nose, in my mouth, my hair, down my top etc. Now, I posted yesterday about my immense and awesome eyelash extensions. I love them so much. Unfortunately, so does Blake. For what better resembles his beloved “pie-ders” than my long, fake black luscious lashes?! I’ve tried avoiding letting him go near my eyes for fear he will rip the falsies out however during yesterday’s cuddle/arachnid search I was easy prey. Too wrapped up in feeling fuzzy and lovely at having so many rare cuddles I allowed him to point at my eyes and the conversation went something like this:
“Pie-der, pie-der, pie-der, PIE-DER!!!!”
“Uh uh uh uh uh uh uh” (pointing to lashes)
“Nah! There are no spiders in Mummy’s eyes”
“Errr, yeahhhh!”
“Errr, no!”
“Where Blake?!”
“DERRRRRRR!” (Whoompf!!! Toddler finger is jabbed straight into my poor eyeball!)

It hurt at first but wasn’t too bad. However as the day progressed it became painful and wouldn’t stop streaming. I went to the chemist then the optician then the walk in centre. It took 4 hours of faffing to be told he’d caused quite a large abrasion on my cornea covering about 30-40% of the front of it. They put a patch on my eye and sent me on my way. I had an important event at work last night so needed to spruce myself up. I took the eye patch off for 5 minutes whilst I had a wash and the bloody dog nabbed it and ate it!!!!

So today I have been to the eye hospital where they have said it looks inflamed and possibly infected (great!). I am sensitive to light (thank goodness for the brightness function on my phone) and I have to wear an eye patch for 24 hours.


I’m sensitive to light because they dilated my pupil so look well dodgy when the patch gets taken off for a quick scratch (the false eyelashes are too long and itching!). It’s like my right side got high:


No more spider hunts and hopefully I’ll heal well very soon. In the meantime I’m off to vajazzle my rather sexy eye patch!

Gem x

3 responses to “My Toddler is a danger to society

  1. Oh my goodness, you poor thing. These kids, they are just so dangerous to have around. I hope your eye is better soon.
    Thanks for linking up. X

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