So it’s nearly 1am and the teething temper tantrums have begun.
I could see him on the video monitor gnawing away at anything he could get his mouth round. It’s usually both fists. At the same time. Biting them so hard they swell and go bright red. It’s no wonder I get stopped and tutted at by old ladies in M&S. He’s that ferocious with the fist eating that it does appear like I’m starving him. He makes it look like he should be in one of those black and white NSPCC adverts, just minus the dirt and neglect.
Everyone tells me it’s just teething. It will pass. Everything is because of teething. The weird faces he’s started pulling that Shaun and I think resembles a cross between sucking a lemon and a puckered bum hole are apparently not pure comedy value for us, but a sign that his little milk teeth could appear any time. I wish they would hurry up because I’m getting bored of people telling me he’s teething. Nappy rash is teething, the pulling of ears is teething, the explosive ferocious smelling nappies, you guessed it, teething.
If sometimes wonder if he has got wise to this instant forgiveness of being a complete monster at times. He’s got the perfect excuse for everything and everyone in the whole world allows him this teething excuse. I sound bitter. I am. I’m jealous. I’d love an instant easy excuse for everything.
Not done the pots?
Not washed your hair?
Not paid the mortgage again this month?
Sorry, I’m teething.
If only! Us girls do have the failsafe PMT that we can use but we’ll never admit it at the time. It takes a few days of tearful whiny communication with your other half, throwing of random objects round the house and much door slamming before you’ll even consider the three lettered acronym for that psychotic hormonal episode we experience once a month!
So my poor little man looks miserable, tired and fed up. It’s time for mummy cuddles, face stroking and a quick feed before I put him back in his cot. It’s horrible not being able to take the pain away for your precious little bundle. It’s also equally horrible having your precious little bundle bite your nips so hard (and laugh at the same time) that you need an ice pack to relieve the pain afterwards! Thank you very much darling child.
I’m in for a night of fist eating, ear pulling, high pitched screaming, atomic crapping, nipple biting, no sleeping, parenting fun. So if I’m a completely unreasonable cranky cow all day tomorrow you’ll just have to excuse me… My child is teething…
…And DON’T I KNOW IT!!!!